Yahweh’s Money®️: The Crossroads of Religion & Money

Strengthening Black Marriages Through Faith and Finance with Nathaniel Cook, Jr

• Crusaders for Change, LLC • Season 4 • Episode 79

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In the season 4 opening episode of Yahweh’s Money, I had an open and heartfelt conversation with my husband, Nathaniel Cook Jr., about the intersection of love, legacy, faith, and finances in Black marriages. 

Drawing on our 26-year journey together, we reflected on how biblical principles, patient partnership, and intentional money management have shaped our relationship and approach to generational wealth.

Here are a few key takeaways from our discussion:

Compromise is Crucial

Marriage and money both thrive on honest conversations and joint decision-making. Neither partner will always be right, and building wealth requires alignment—even if visions aren’t identical, they must point in the same direction.

Faith Fuels Financial Resilience

Leaning on faith helps navigate disagreements and encourages patience, trust, and hope—both in God and each other. Strong faith doesn’t erase worry, but it anchors couples through uncertain times.

Generational Understanding Builds Wealth

Wealth isn’t just about assets; it’s also about the mindset passed on. Demonstrating responsible financial behaviors and discussing money openly with our daughter has helped her set a new “floor” for her own future, raising the bar for the next generation.

If you’re looking to strengthen your relationship or build a financial legacy, consider scheduling a "money date" with your partner—pray together and align on your vision for the future.

Let’s keep breaking cycles and building together!

Episode Resources:

Ecclesiastes 4:12

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Our podcast is proudly sponsored by Crusaders for Change, LLC (C4C) and hosted by our CEO and Founder, Mrs. Shay Cook. At C4C, we provide customized corporate financial wellness programs for businesses, government agencies, and nonprofit organizations. Our services are tailored to create happier, healthier, and more productive work environments. We also empower individuals and couples to overcome debt, improve their credit, boost savings, and more. Ready to learn more about how C4C can impact your life? Contact us today at https://www.crusaders4change.org/!

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Nate Cook:

I don't know from where I grew up. It wasn't that we had the worst of things right. We were kept okay. It wasn't the greatest, but it was okay, because I always figured that with patience, you know, and perseverance, we would be able to live with those things without all the debt and all the crap that comes with getting them. And I think we've achieved a lot of that. There's always room to do more, but I think we've achieved a lot of that.

Shay Cook:

Ever felt those awkward vibes when religion and money come up? You're not alone. Welcome to Yahweh's Money, the podcast where we tackle the crossroads of faith and finance. I'm Shay Cook, an Accredited Financial Counselor and the CEO and Founder of Crusaders for Change LLC. Join us on our journey as we discuss topics like tithing, saving and conquering debt through religious perspectives. Let's get started. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Yahweh's Money. Actually, this is our season four. I'm excited to be back. Episode 79, God is Good. So thank you for joining us today.

Shay Cook:

Today we're talking about love and legacy, strengthening Black marriages through faith and finance. I'm all about in the season of Black excellence, so I'm really excited about this. Before I introduce our amazing guest today, marriage is really a divine covenant, but what happens when faith, finances and culture intersect? Let's explore how biblical principles guide love, money and legacy in Black marriages. So our main scripture for today is Ecclesiastics 4.12, which states Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of these three strands is not quickly broken. So you know, coming together in a marriage, having married almost 26 years, which is crazy Us two together can, I mean, just really take over the world. I guess, if you really want to say that.

Shay Cook:

But anyways, back to our guest, Nathaniel Cook Jr, my husband of almost 26 years. He's amazing, wise. He's a retired Air Force service member. He works for companies many different companies over the years since he got out of the military. I'm not even going to mention the company. If he wants to, he can. But we've done great things together in terms of marriage and money and family, especially. I would say, our best gift and thing that we did together was create our daughter, Alana Cook, who is 24. But we traveled all around the world thanks to his military career. I think we've done really well when it comes to money, but we're going to talk about that today. Welcome, Nathaniel, Nate.

Nate Cook:

Thank you for having me.

Shay Cook:

Yeah, finally right, season four and we finally have you. Well, I mean, you weren't always interested, but you were, but I appreciate you being here. We're talking about some deep stuff here and the Bible and money. So how are you feeling today?

Nate Cook:

I'm good, as you know.

Shay Cook:

I'm very interested in your topics, but I'm always kind of worried about where to lead us when we have I mean, yeah, we have some I wouldn't say heated maybe heated, but sometimes it's deeper than what some people can handle. But because he is so wise, y'all, I mean you're going to see that today my husband is wise above his age. I mean, even when we were in our twenties, even when we were our team. Well, I was in our teens, he was in his twenties, I was 19. He was 20. Yeah, it wasn't that kind of situation y'all. That's hilarious, nate.

Shay Cook:

But he taught me a lot about savings. I mean, I was really just a spender, he was the saver and where he comes from, it was very just shocking that he wasn't the opposite of what I was, or he is opposite of what I was, but he really just taught me a lot. I always tell people my husband's taught me a lot around money, because I'm not going to put my parents' business out there, but I just did the opposite of everything they did and I actually did well. But I mean, I consider myself a personal financial expert now, but it all started with my husband just teaching me like, you know what, when we got things going on, we need to save, and I'm not mad at that. So anything you want to add to your introduction.

Nate Cook:

No, I think that that's a that does a good job. All what's on your spirit. Take your seat. Let the wisdom inherit.

Shay Cook:

Hit the rapid fire questions Say what's on your spirit? Now we're going to get into our section of rapid fire questions. We introduced this late last season where we just asked three quick questions to see where our guest's head is around. Marriage or just money? And the Bible and the word? So what's one financial lesson you wish you knew before marriage?

Nate Cook:

I wish that I understood and that I knew that it takes a compromise. So when we first got together, I wasn't aware that we should both come to a decision when it came to finances, considering where we both came from. So I wish I knew more about actually just coming together with somebody and say, hey, what do you think about this or what do you think about that, especially when it comes to finances. But that's about marriage. Compromise is what marriage is about too.

Shay Cook:

Exactly, exactly, instead of one of us saying no, we're going to do this or the other, and one taking the lead. It's a compromise, it's a joint decision.

Nate Cook:

Yes, absolutely.

Shay Cook:

Yeah, okay, well, you know we were raised by parents that were in a different generation, that usually the men. If there was a man in a household, they took the lead, they were the breadwinner, and that's the kind of household I was. My mom didn't have much say what happened to the money, even though she did, but my father was like you know, he brought in the money home and he made a lot of decisions and you were early on, was like this and need to be joint. But in the very beginning it wasn't always like that.

Nate Cook:

But yeah, no, I think we came. I think we started to understand that neither one of us is always right Right, and so you have to be smart enough to understand that you know we help each other in different regards and to be able to step back sometimes and be like, okay, yeah, well, it's fine that I'm not getting my way, because it's good for us as a family and not just me as a person.

Shay Cook:

Yeah, oh yeah. We're going to tell some of those stories about that later, y'all, cause I have those for days where Nate was like no, we don't need to do this, and I acted like a little kid having tantrums, and then I realized later, yeah, he was right, so hey, it happens, right. So next question how does faith help navigate financial disagreements and marriage?

Nate Cook:

That's a good question. I'm still wrestling with that. Faith is is a central portion of, I think, of how we handle disagreements in general, to not go extremely deep in it. But I think you know, with your faith in God, you kind of it kind of leads you to be more patient and perceptive of the other person, because that's a big, a big tenet and having faith is just the patience part of it.

Shay Cook:

So, yeah, the patience and the peace of it all and just trusting when you can't even, you don't even know what to trust, or just to have to have faith, is not seen Right. So having faith not only in God, but in each other and individually and yourself, because I see a lot of people, a lot of couples, struggle because of the way they were raised. They don't have even the trust in themselves, and then they have this partner that they're relying wholly on and then they don't have any trust in God. So it just gets crazy. So all right. Last question what's one way couples can build wealth together? I don't know if we still learn that.

Nate Cook:

If you know, please let me know. I don't know how. There's different ways to build wealth. Doing it as a couple is kind of hard, especially when people are not aligned, so maybe that's the best way to build wealth together is just to become aligned, to develop a vision, and it doesn't have to be the same vision, it just has to be pointed in the same direction.

Shay Cook:

And they have to complement each other, which is pointing in the same direction, I agree, has to be pointed in the same direction, and they have to compliment each other. Yeah, which is pointing in the same direction, I agree. I'm reading this devotional y'all that really talks about that, and it talks. It's a leadership devotional around God and being a great leader. But it always says that, like, you got to have a clear vision for your people to follow, and I think that's the same in a marriage, right, having that, like Nate's, that complements each other. It goes in the same direction.

Shay Cook:

We used to say, you know, sometimes men are on Mars, venus, wherever planet they are. We want to come back here on Earth and try to be one and aligned. So, all right, thank you, nathaniel. That was great. Rapid fire question section. Now we're going to get into our main discussion around strengthening Black marriages through faith and finance. As most of you hopefully know, god should be the center of the marriage. That's not always the case, but why faith strengthens relationships and finances. I mean it really comes down to, like Nate's saying, having that vision. But where have we struggled with that? Let's get into the real stuff.

Nate Cook:

With faith and finance? Yeah, I think we. Well, I think that you are stronger in faith than I am. I struggle with faith, not in the large term of it, but just dealing with the way the world is. I have a hard time sometimes absorbing all of it and not being bogged down into it, and that impacts the way I look at everything. So I'm a stickler for getting insurance for this and getting insurance for that. I'm always worried about the rainy day fund type of situation. So that's where it always leads me. And that's not saying I don't have faith in things that work out the right way. I'm just always concerned that we won't be prepared for when things don't work out the right way.

Shay Cook:

Yeah, and that's what we're trying to teach our clients, yep.

Nate Cook:

So that's where I'm always concerned, and I don't know if that's because and I'm well, I'm absolutely sure it's because of the way I grew up. Right, I didn't grow up with a lot, and so I was always concerned that there was all. You know, the rug is going to be pulled out from under us, which is a big concern of what goes on now, and so I'm always concerned that I'm not going to be able to provide or that we're not going to be able to sustain where we are today. So and that weighs on me very heavily and faith would be a way I could sit back and say well, no, it'll be okay. I've never been comfortable in that position, but you know, that's what I have you for. So you're supposed to be that bridge, that support, to be like, yeah, you're okay.

Shay Cook:

Yeah.

Nate Cook:

I use you to kind of counterbalance my ineptitude when it comes to pay. So I'm leaning on you for that.

Shay Cook:

Yeah, you do, but I also lean on you for that. Obviously, you're the breadwinner and we provide together. But the way I was raised, even though my dad was the breadwinner, my mom is a free spirit, so she was out there just doing a lot and we had everything we needed and more. When I started dating Nate, and even once we got married, I just was always thinking like I need all this and I really didn't, and I didn't take the time to think. It takes time to build up. I just remember we were in Germany and I wanted to. I think let me go back to even Omaha when I wanted to buy that table, the dining room table $8,000, $10,000 table.

Shay Cook:

Yeah, that table was. And I remember calling my mom and she's like, shay, I didn't get all this stuff. It took me 20 some years to get all this stuff. I'm like, yeah, but we needed a dining room table. We end up going out in Nebraska Furniture Mark buying like a $400 table that we still have. We don't use it, we save it for our dollar to take to her house whenever she move out.

Shay Cook:

But I remember that and I was so sad like I wanted that big old table and then we ended up buying a nicer table later on. But I mean, I have so many stories about me wanting something then and now and Nate's like, no, we cannot do this right now. And just being so sad about it and feeling like and I think a lot of it came from the shame of people coming to our house. I remember even let's go back to Germany and having the FMO, the Furniture Management Office, family furniture, the rental furniture is military. People that listen, understand, but those even civilians, when you go certain places, the military will provide you this furniture and it's all hard and it's not comfortable. And I wanted all the nice furniture and Nate's like, no, we don't need to buy that. So we finally bought our Italian leather set like right before we left and we still got that.

Shay Cook:

Now it was just crazy because I always felt shame about the way my house looked, because my mama had all this nice stuff. I always thought from the beginning but no, she had to build up to it as well. So I thought I was going to come in and 20 something, get married and have a house full of beautiful furniture, shrunks and all this stuff my mama had. It's funny how my mom's a free spirit and she was like no, shay, it took me a while to get to that, so I just had a different mentality. But now it's like but I met people like that young service members, young people even outside of the military. They 20 some years old and they have everything quote unquote they needed, but they were going into debt doing all of that.

Nate Cook:

Well, let's not forget, you know, that we could have bought those things, we could have, we could have had a lot of those things, but we I don't know from where I grew up, but like it wasn't that we had the worst of things.

Nate Cook:

Right we were. We were kept okay. It wasn't the greatest, but it was okay, cause I always figured that with patience, you know, and perseverance we would have, we would be able to live with those things without all the debt and all the crap that comes with getting them. And I think we've achieved a lot of that. There's always room to do more, but I think we've achieved a lot of that. And it was never a place, it was never a portion of me that said we needed it now Because I knew that. I guess that's part of the faith that I had that we would get it later and it was never about now. And that's the way I live my life today. Right, it's always about tomorrow.

Nate Cook:

Yeah, life is. I heard as a comedian said this one time. He's like life is not short, life is long. And if you start looking at it like that, with that lens, you'll understand that. You know today it can be hard, but you know tomorrow will come, yeah, and so we could have nice furniture today. It's going to get old, it's going to get battered, and then you know, we'll spend all this great amount of money on things that we can't even take with us. And I never looked at it like we should spend all our money on that because, again, my my way of looking at it, like something's going to happen. Yeah, might need that money and thank God we didn't, because there were things that happened Always. We needed that Again. But that's not about being right or wrong, that's just about being cautious and believing that tomorrow will come.

Shay Cook:

And we'll be there.

Nate Cook:

Especially when we are not getting like the things that we got weren't bad things.

Shay Cook:

No, they weren't they last yeah.

Nate Cook:

Let's not get things in and get confused Like we didn't go out and buy a bunch of junk.

Shay Cook:

No, we didn't Right.

Nate Cook:

We just didn't get the greatest of things.

Shay Cook:

Yeah. Yeah, it was like tier one versus tier three, like they're really expensive, but we also take care of our stuff too, and I think that matters.

Nate Cook:

You take good care of me. You take good care of the things that we have of our daughter, so a lot of that is you.

Shay Cook:

Well, I appreciate that. I mean the preserved stuff, whether it's cheap or old or new and fancy, you got to take care of your stuff or it'll just fall apart.

Nate Cook:

No, our stuff is not cheap?

Shay Cook:

I mean, I guess not. It's inexpensive.

Nate Cook:

Yeah, obviously.

Shay Cook:

Because even some of that stuff we bought from Ikea it's still there. We still got it. Some of that stuff we got is still around.

Shay Cook:

Some of that stuff fell apart, but you take care of it, you know. But I was going to go back to you even saying like life is long, you're right, and just it's long and we've had a long marriage and I hope it continues to grow and all that. But I just think when I was younger, I know, when I was younger, I didn't have faith like that. I don't even consider myself a baby in Christ. At that time I just was living my life. My ego was driven me, I was just doing whatever as a young person. But as I started to get closer to God, things really started to change. I started to be having more faith.

Shay Cook:

Obviously, as you start to know God more and then just grow and just being patient that he's going to provide, I mean, my ego is still there and just many different ways it shows up. And but when it came to the money, I really trusted my husband when he came to that because he's a provider. He's always provided from the very beginning until now and I'm sure, in the future. But having that I won't call it a crutch, but having that, just what's the word? He's just a provider. He's just always there financially and more. So I didn't have to worry about that, and so it gave me the freedom to be more.

Shay Cook:

I don't consider myself a free spirited, but give myself more time to fail or to make mistakes, and knowing that my husband's going to be there to pick me up is a great thing. It's nice to have that. So I appreciate you and thank you for always being a provider. But I also saw that in my father. I see that in my brother and many others. A lot of people have certain circles of men that don't do that. But I have to say my uncles, my grandfather I've been around men that always provided. So I wouldn't expect myself to be with nobody, but somebody provided in many different ways outside of even financially.

Nate Cook:

You were raised by good people, and good people raise good people.

Shay Cook:

Yeah, shout out to Reverend Mitchell Toll, so he was an amazing father. So so common financial struggles in black marriages we talk about this a lot and just all the craze from our generation. We're generation X, y'all, and we got a millennial Not my daughter. What's our daughter Generation Z-er? She ain't no millennial.

Nate Cook:

I don't know, I can never get married.

Shay Cook:

She's a Generation Z-er, I think so. No, she's not alpha. That's our young niece and nephew, breaking those generation cycles of debt. You know, managing expectations, building generational wealth, which earlier. There's a lot of struggles in Black marriages. If there even is a marriage Like that's a whole nother conversation, right. A lot of people. There's still a lot of Black women out there that aren't married and it's just unfortunately, with all the systematic issues in this country. But we're talking about debt. And what did you see growing up? Did your family have a lot of debt?

Nate Cook:

No, my family didn't have a lot of debt, but my family didn't have a lot of wealth either. I grew up in a single parent household, so it was just my. I was raised by women black women so that was a good thing for me. So I got kind of to see that other side of it. But there was never a place or a time when they borrowed money and that may be a systemic thing because you know, loans and those things weren't really available but they never really asked for things. We were never on the I would say, extreme poor side of life growing up in Baltimore, but there was by no means wealth in our house. We didn't survive paycheck to paycheck, but it was like every other paycheck to paycheck type of thing. So we had struggle and I learned to be happy with what I had. I didn't want what my mom had. She didn't have anybody to be there for her If something happened, something broke, something needed fixed. It was all her kind of place where you become a man earlier than you need to be a man and you start picking up traits that are not necessarily masculine because you grew up in a house of women and so they saw women solve problems differently than men do, and so I began to solve my problems in that way. They weren't conducive to the way the world was asking me to solve problems, and so I fell behind Right, and so I had to learn how to be was asking me to solve problems, and so I fell behind right, and so I had to learn how to be masculine and how to solve problems that are more conducive to the way the world expects me to solve problems. As a black man, it's a little harder because you got to deal with that and the racism and everything else that comes into it. So when I learned that and I understood that, you know, I got to be a little stronger in certain areas and be able to be vulnerable in another area, and my wife was there to help me be vulnerable in areas that I felt I couldn't be vulnerable in. I still struggle with that, but not as badly as I used to. It's very hard to struggle with that, but when it comes to like breaking cycles of debt, we just I was never a person. I learned to manipulate debt from those women Like, again, they weren't getting loans and things like that, but they never had a lot of money to go around with and to do anything they wanted to be with. So they learned how to manage debt, which I think is a key component of the way I do things.

Nate Cook:

Now. We don't always agree on this yeah, we don't but I learned to navigate the debt that I keep because I know that I have to live not just for today but for tomorrow. Like paying for me. Paying off a dollar is good to pay it off, but if you charge me 10 cents for that dollar tomorrow, I'll pay the 10 cent because I might need that dollar for tomorrow. That's the way I look at it, and I'm not saying it's the best way, but I have enough. I've always had enough to pay off any outstanding debt that I have. If push came to shove, it was like okay, you can be debt free If that's what it called for, but if it's not calling for it, that's what it called for, but if it's not calling for it, I'll pay it off in time and that way, just in case God forbid car breaks down, something happens to our house, I can pull from that fund and then we don't have to accrue a larger debt.

Shay Cook:

Yeah, I understand that we do have arguments with that y'all and that's from the trauma of childhood. I'm seeing parents that had a lot of debt, a lot of credit card debt, that argued so much over balance checks, credit cards, so many other issues, and I know when I and then going to college and just really taking time to I was self-taught when it came to learning how to manage finances and then eventually I got my accreditation and financial counseling, but I just don't believe in paying debt. I don't. I mean, I just believe in paying debt. I use credit cards because I love the points and the rewards and stuff, but I just was like I don't want to have to pay the man.

Shay Cook:

I'm sure that came from childhood or something, hearing my daddy talk about people in a certain way, not to say I ain't never had a credit card that accumulated debt. That's not true, because I did earlier on but once I paid them off, I strive monthly, not to say I ain't never had a credit card that accumulated debt that's not true, because I did earlier on but once I paid them off, like I strive like monthly to pay all my credit card debt off before the interest hit. Now, with the business, that's different, because I can, you can write off that debt, you can write off that interest, but not with a personal. So I literally and I have gotten on Nate like why you don't pay off that credit card, and he explains what he just explained to y'all right now and I'm like I'm still like it don't make sense to me. But hey, but now it kind of makes more sense because he's like you know, I got the savings we might be able to use that.

Shay Cook:

And I'm like, well, I got this credit card and I can use it and I'll just pay it off with my savings later. So it both works for us. And I just want to say in this moment that even though we different. We could be different in a relationship and still, you know, like you said, be able to have a good relationship. I mean, we're different people, we have different ideologies and stuff around certain things, but I just don't believe in carrying credit card debt and I'm sure, again, that's from trauma.

Nate Cook:

Our belief is that we manage it differently. Yeah, we manage it differently, and so I think the problem comes in if we didn't believe in managing it at all. Right, like we just forget about it, like it's not there but that's so, that's not what happens. So I think we just manage it differently.

Shay Cook:

Yeah, I agree, yeah, and you know. And just how do we deal with helping the black community build generational wealth? I know, being part of NAACP and economic empowerment chair, a lot of people are struggling, but I realize I mean I realized this for years a lot of systematic and systemic, but so I don't even want to go there. You know, it's just like what. How do we teach our daughter Like she, I think, first we're we're a good role models when it comes to money. She's seen that we've acquired wealth or just accumulated house and which is part of wealth and stuff like that, just by being responsible. I think she realizes that. But how else do you think we're teaching her Seeing it?

Nate Cook:

helps, right, seeing that the possibility exists helps. From where I grew up, I didn't know that where we live today was possible, crazy enough, until I saw where you live and how we got to live, and so then I was like, ok, the possibility exists, right, so it can happen. All the black people I knew growing up, we were living again not, we weren't at poverty's doorstep, but we weren't far from it and so I thought it was natural to have animals in your house that were not dogs or cats, right, having mice in your home was like something that you grew up with, and it was like it wasn't like a I mean, it wasn't a good thing, but it was something that was. And when I met you and saw your way your family lived, I was like, oh, this is new, this is this we don't have. They don't have mice. It's fine, it's cool, that that's a good thing.

Nate Cook:

So it changed my perspective and I think that we've taught our daughter that like this is a possibility for black people to live in a way that we live Not always extravagant, but we do take, we do indulge in some of the finer things in life that you know that we can afford. I think we've also taught that we don't live beyond our means, but we can do some of the things that would be considered luxury to others. But it's become, which is a good and bad thing. It's become normalized for us.

Shay Cook:

Yeah, but we prepare for it, even though it's normalized.

Nate Cook:

We don't just go crazy In her eyes.

Shay Cook:

That becomes normal. Becomes normal. Yeah, so it becomes an entitlement, a privilege for her. Yeah, so that's a bad thing.

Nate Cook:

Right there's two, yeah, yeah so, but but she sees again the possibilities that it happens. So that creates a, that creates a different floor for her like so my floor is to never go back to where I was. Her floor is where we are Exactly yeah.

Shay Cook:

She never experienced that underneath an underbelly of it all.

Nate Cook:

I mean, I lived in my mom's basement, right, and it wasn't the basement that we would consider now, right, we have carpets and no, that's not what it was. It was it was. It was pretty bad, considering where we are today and what we would do in a basement today.

Shay Cook:

Yeah.

Nate Cook:

Yeah, so my daughter doesn't know that lifestyle, and that's again, that's not a bad thing, but it does set a different standard for her. So anything that she achieves, or that she tries to accomplish, will start from where we are.

Nate Cook:

Yeah, that's true, and understanding that we do it responsibly and it's not without its challenges or struggle, but she sees all of those and she sees the triumph and the failures. That gives her a better place to start. I don't know if it's about generational wealth, but I think it's about generational understanding right which we have worked hard to acquire, and for her it's an entitlement. Yeah it is.

Shay Cook:

And just the knowledge of it all and her mother being able to. I mean, before Alana went to college, I put I, we did financial counseling that whole summer because I wanted to make sure she was on a budget spend plan and, like, make sure she was responsible for certain things. Even though Nate and I paid for her tuition and her room and board, she had to pay for all the other little things. And so her understanding that and even now she graduated from college, she's back at home, she knows, when she moves out because she's going to move out that she needs to figure out what that looks like. And she's already thinking like, all right, rent, I'm going to have to have a roommate where can I live that's safe, but also that I can afford.

Shay Cook:

But she's really thinking about that. She knows she can't be. She still has the privilege of her parents. But you know, eventually she's going to have to be independent, and we talked about it yesterday. She's like I am dependent, independent. I'm like, yeah, you can take care of yourself, but you're not financially independent yet. So you know, and she needs to understand that.

Nate Cook:

Yeah, the difference. I think that also that we need to. I mean, the issue that we had with her was we had to set expectations and that moving home after college in my generation was something that you didn't want to do and her generation, I think, is probably necessary. Considering the landscape of the world, Getting a home and buying a home for $100,000, $90,000, $80,000, whatever it was back then was normal, right. You can't do that now.

Shay Cook:

Yeah.

Nate Cook:

So expecting somebody to again her floor is where we are is our present.

Nate Cook:

She would not be able to afford that home, but that's her expectation. So that's a part of that bad side that we have to deal with and she has to contend with. But I think we've set a foundation where she understands that you don't get this immediately. There was a workup for it. We didn't start in this house, we worked up to it and so, with her understanding that, then I think she'll be able to accept okay, this is what I can afford now and that's the key word now.

Shay Cook:

This is what I can afford now or now with, yeah, with your current salary budget, whatever, and having an understanding of that, yeah, and not going buying a bunch of new furniture like her mama was trying to do at her age. A lot of people do now A lot of people do now. Yeah, so she's going to definitely get that. You know that knowledge of it all. So, lastly, I want to talk about studies show financial stress is a top cause of divorce. So how can faith shift this narrative? Think I didn't happen to us.

Nate Cook:

How can faith shift it? Yeah, I think we just have you know you with our beliefs. I think it kind of helps. I think there was a God. We know we've gone through our troubles. It's never been about money.

Shay Cook:

No, it hasn't, Thank God.

Nate Cook:

And I think that's because we kind of, once we got past the initial stuff with money that we had, we kind of decided that that wasn't going to be something that we died on a hill for. Yeah Right, and I think that's still important Again. We have disagreements about things, but it's never to a point where it means that we're going to end what we have become together.

Shay Cook:

I think that's faith. It's faith, it's God. It's just seeing what my parents going through, but also just not sticking to tradition. I think for me, I know, coming in, I was like sticking to tradition, I think for me, I know, coming in, I was like in Germany, I'm like we got to have a joint account. We got to have a joint account. My mom and dad have a joint account and he's like, nah, I ain't doing that. I was like, no, what? I was really mad about that. But we have a joint account now for joint things. But we always kept our money. We had separate accounts too. And then we finally started coming together when it came to investing and stuff. We're still working on it.

Shay Cook:

But, yeah, and a lot of couples and actually a lot of people in the church used to get me and that was a shame of it all. A lot of people were like you ain't got no joint account, what's wrong with y'all? Like what? What are you talking? First of all, I don't even know. I was telling them my business, but I was young, right, trying to learn everything, and people in that generation really made me the baby boomers and earlier generation Xers just really made me feel guilty about not having a joint account. And now I'm meeting a lot of clients that are young and it's like, no, I'm keeping my own account. You know, it's just different. So, not being in that tradition of it all and trying to follow certain traditions or standards or stereotypes or whatever, but we made it work for what worked for us standards or stereotypes or whatever, but we made it work for what worked for us.

Nate Cook:

We got to remember, though, that requires trust, right? So that's what that? That that the underlying part of that is trust. So if I can't trust you with what you're doing with your account and you can't trust me with what I'm doing with my account, then that doesn't work at all, Right, and so that's a big that's a huge key of that. If we're both untrustworthy, and even though we're paying let's say we have there's three accounts mine, yours, and a joint one and the joint one is doing fine, we're paying all the bills we want, but if we don't trust each other with the money that we have in our own accounts, then that doesn't work.

Shay Cook:

Yeah.

Nate Cook:

Right, because then I'm worried about you spending frivolously, you're worried about me spending frivolously, you're worried about me spending frivolously and things happening. But if we don't trust what we got going on, then there's so many underlying issues that come from that.

Shay Cook:

That is so true.

Nate Cook:

I trust that if something happens, even with that joint account, whatever that you'll be like, don't worry about it. I got the rest of it because it's here. I'm not spending crazy. We're not doing. We can still do the other things that we want to do, and the same goes for me, and so I think we do need to do better with the investing portion and the retirement part, and I think that's just something that we have to come together with because we've been doing the joint accounts for so long. But I think we still need to emphasize that there's got to be trust within your relationship period in order for this, for that particularly financial way, to actually work for a couple, especially black couples.

Shay Cook:

Yeah, yeah, because I see a lot, and I'm meeting a lot of women now that are making more than their husbands, and that's becoming an issue too, you know. So where is the trusting? It really comes down to the trust, or is's a power of control struggle there, right, where the woman's like, nah, I'm making all the money, you're going to do all this, and the man's like I'm the man, so you know. So that's another conversation as well.

Nate Cook:

We don't want to get into it, like we can get into it, but I think a lot but generationally women have portion comes in right.

Shay Cook:

That's true, and that's for men too.

Nate Cook:

Like, I can't. Like if I thought that the only reason that you kept money in a separate account was to leave me, yeah, Then I wouldn't trust you having a separate account, right, because that's what happened back in the day. Yeah, you would have a joint account and women would just take a little bit here, take a little bit there, create another account, and then one day you would be gone, yeah. And so not to say that you can't leave, but I trust that the power of our relationship and our faith that that's not going to happen. Not for that reason, not for that reason. Yeah, right, yeah, and so I think that's a big thing.

Shay Cook:

That's where. That's the trust portion of it. Again, it is really a trust time. Yeah, really. You know, marriage is a reflection of God's love, and finances should be managed with that wisdom, that patience and faith. I have to say it takes my husband. He brought a lot of wisdom to this. I mean, as I get older I'm accumulating that wisdom, but he had that initially and throughout and the patience has definitely been there.

Shay Cook:

I know I didn't have a lot of patience. I'm having more now, but thank God for God. I always say thank God for Jesus, thank God for the Holy Spirit to keep me in faith and just really trusting that my husband's going to hold us down. That's one thing I have to say about Nathaniel Cook, my husband. I ain't never really worried that we weren't going to have no money. He was spending it on something frivolously. There was moments where I was worried about the shoes, there was moments about the bourbon, even back in the day. I remember the video games and all that. But my husband always made sure the bills were paid. There was never no doubt that the basic necessities were there. We always have food. So that's that form of trust, ladies, and you know it's just really understanding that you know that your husband's going to provide. That gives you a comfort and a peace, and I thank God for that. So, nate, this was a great conversation. Any final thoughts before we wrap up?

Nate Cook:

I just want the world to know that I love you and I appreciate everything you do and I support you fully. I know it's hard what you do, so you're very appreciated and I think that hopefully this helps a lot of people.

Shay Cook:

I hope so too, and thank you. I love you more than you even. I think you know I know I get on your nerves, we get on your nerves, but, but in all seriousness, you're an amazing husband. I thank you for what you do. You're an amazing father and I just look forward to growing with you and doing great things.

Shay Cook:

And for everybody listening, I would suggest you have a money date with your spouse or your partner this week and pray over your finances and, just like Nate said earlier I don't know if he saw this in the notes, but he said it already you know aligning with your financial vision, whether it's a little different, just making sure you're going in the right direction. I definitely pray for you all and thank you for joining us and have a wonderful day. A big thank you for listening to this episode. We hope you found today's chat about the intersection of religion and money insightful. We would love to hear your feedback. Hit that subscribe button or follow the podcast and please feel free to leave us a review. For the latest Yahweh's Money content, visit us at crusaders4changeorg or find us anywhere you listen to podcasts. Until next time, stay financially fit and spiritually inspired and remember it's always better Yahweh's way.

People on this episode

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Shay Cook

Host
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Nathaniel Cook

Guest